I don’t know how long ago you sent that message (it’s weird, ‘cause I never got an inbox notification..), but I just saw it right now, and… it really touched my heart. I don’t want to publish it ‘cause it’s kind of a touchy subject for me, but please know that it reminded me of my past mindset. Of a stronger me. I’m ashamed that I’m allowing my weakness and pain to make me selfish and ignorant, but I feel like I have to make this mistake in order to reaffirm and fully appreciate my faith. It sounds stupid, I know, but for some reason, I feel like I have to do this for me.. again, it’s just me being selfish. But thank you for your message. Despite my doubts, it’s definitely my message from Him to bring me back.

I really hope you read this.  

“You’re a sucky texter!”

I can’t say it to your face, so I guess I’ll just say it here. LOL 

Pero, me gusta hablar contigo. (: 

I’ve tried looking through every perspective, and I still don’t see how any of this is fair.

I’m tired, and I’m frustrated. And I never imagined it would come to this point, but it has. And I can’t deny it anymore, or push the thought away. I feel awful, and hypocritical, and selfish, and guilty. But there’s honestly no use in believing in something that I just have no faith in anymore. I’m sorry. 

And the worst part? I feel even emptier now, now that I’ve lost the one thing I’ve held on to so closely, so dearly. And I want it back— I want that strength, that hope, that faith… but those are all the things that just end up disappointing me. So I’m going to be selfish and let them go, because being selfless has gotten me nowhere— it’s gotten me here. 

I am stronger than depression. I am braver than loneliness. 

I will get through this— I always do. 

Who the hell pulls an all-nighter on a Friday night studying? This just further reaffirms my non-existent social life… and my inevitable habit of procrastination.